Sara Hand

I worked for a man who used to say to me, “Now we will know how good you really are” whenever I was faced with a challenge. 2011 was a challenging year, and in many ways I am still reeling from that change. Few things bear any resemblance to this time last year. Yet in the furnace of change is where iron becomes strong and glass becomes a thing of beauty.

Pushed to my limits, I am learning to go where I only dreamed and that there are another two magic words besides please and thank you. They are “yes” and “no.” Almost like teaching your children not to share…that’s a whole other story, and the use of them as an adult moving through significant change on a journey toward big goals, is somewhat counter intuitive.

The greatest impact of these words is not achieved when I say them to others, but when I use them for myself. As much as I have worked on boundaries…read all the books (and Cloud and Townsend have a whole series now,) life in 2012 is a PhD course.

As I learn to more judiciously apply these words, the path becomes clearer – more focused – less crowded by distractions. It also allows me to walk in grace for myself, giving to myself more generously of what I may have often reserved more for others. “Yes”, may mean resting when I am tired, while a “no” could be to something good. I can actually have too much of a good thing for my own best interests.

There are some things I knew going into last year that I now know in a different way and am all the better for it.

Lessons on limits?

I don’t have to know how it is all going to work out to move forward.

There is a place to plan and prepare. However for some things in life, you will never be ready enough. There will never be a good time, enough money or the emotional resources to handle them. Sometimes it is a Nike moment in just do it!

How do I do whatever it takes when stepping out into the unknown? When pushing myself to the limit in some areas, I really have to know what is important. I may have to go to bed earlier and get up earlier. I may have to give some things up. I can do all kinds of things…just not all at the same time.

I don’t have to keep all the balls in the air by myself. What happens if it isn’t perfect? What happens if everything doesn’t get done as planned? Sometimes it is about letting go. Sometimes about deciding what is really important and than sometimes releasing the task and the expectations to someone else.

If I am vulnerable and ask for help I just might get it. I am quite capable in many things, yet this last year circumstances made it necessary to ask for help a number of times. Asking for help is not a sign of weakness. Knowing what my limitations are will allow me to focus on what I am really good at. Acknowledging what I am not good at will allow others to shine in their strengths.

I chose to focus on building more meaningful relationships with people I know. The nature of a community builder is that we continue to meet new people. However this last year I chose to emphasize build the relationships I have. There are so many incredible, smart, creative and talented people in my life already. To truly know and appreciate each of them will take me the rest of my life already.

2011 was a year of challenges. There were many times I wondered how I would ever navigate this course.  “No one comes out of the fire swamp alive.”  But through God’s grace and the support of the wonderful people, friends and family, I have in my life…I am blessed to close out 2011 positioned to move into a really new year.

Through our BarCamp Sarasota community we are issuing a challenge for those of us who have come through and are expecting to Achieve the Incredible  in 2012. If that’s you…join is a declaring that this year I will make “IT” happen.

It is easy to get bogged down in the negative messages that we are bombarded with daily. As an entrepreneur – a business owner, those messages can be overwhelming as we face the challenges of navigating in an economic environment that bears little resemblance to our, in hind-sight, relatively safe world of yesterday. So what do you do?

It is crucial that you take responsibility for your own mindset. Here are a few tips to keep discouragement from keeping you from doing the things you need to do to be effective.

Tips for Winning:

1. Stop and breathe…Some people just run faster and try harder. Others shut down altogether. Neither response will effectively produce results over the course of time.

 Take 3 deep breathes and release slowly each time. Your nervous system will kick in and you will begin to relax. When you relax you can make better choices.

Exercise: It releases endorphins which will help you feel better. Ride a bike, walk, dance…do something you love.

(Alcohol and other substances to “feel good” don’t count.)

Hold hands with someone you love. Look them in the face and TELL them that. Build Joy…Yes, Joy is a real thing.

2. Set realistic goals. The world is tough enough. Stop trying to be Super person. Unrealistic expectations reaffirm an inability to succeed. Affirmations are great, if you really believe that in your heart…if you don’t, it is NO better that the unrealistic goal. Let yourself grow into big goals, one baby step at a time.

 3. Set up accountability with someone who actually cares whether you succeed or not. Ask someone to give you honest caring feedback. I have a coach, a counselor, and an advisory board and a couple of incredible friends that I have empowered to let me have it…they help me stay on track through constructive criticism and act as cheerleaders when the going gets tough. They believe in me, even when I may begin to doubt myself.

Although you may have many people in your life who are a part of your journey, people who encourage you and help you along the way, when it comes down to it the responsibility for winning in your life is yours. You will need to choose to ask for help when you need it, to give yourself a break when necessary, and to choose to grow and embrace change as the friend it can be.

In our daily journey it is so easy to get caught up in the “all” of what we must do. We hide in the busyness of our routines, the desires of our hearts, only to have them surface at odd moments as unrecognized sadness.

It is spring time in Florida. From the balmy breeze, the blue skies, the budding greenery and oh yes the traffic. It is a time of growth, a time of renewal and refreshing. It is a time to open the windows and let the fresh air fill the house, before it again gets hot.

It is a great time to look at the activities of life, the busyness that fills your day and ask “Why?” If the answers make sense…Great!

If not, here is a quote from Marianne Williamson that I enjoy.

"It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us."

Our Deepest Fear

 “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.’ We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we’re liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

(A Return to Love: Reflections on the Principles of “A Course in Miracles”, Harper Collins, 1992. From Chapter 7, Section 3])

The truth is my life changes when I do. It applies to my business, my relationships, and my health…every area of my life. Maybe the economy could be better, maybe your spouse or significant other needs help, or maybe you were in an accident or have a health challenge that hinders you. However the truth remains; my life changes when I do, and if I don’t change… nothing will change!

Sometimes making life changes, those meant to last a lifetime, can sound overwhelming.

 “It’s the beginning of February and I couldn’t even make it through January with changes, how can I expect to make ‘LIFE CHANGES’ and expect something that lasts?”

Decide to start where you are at. It is so easy to wait until everything is right. However, if you wait until you have everything you need, until all the money is in the bank, until every team member is in place and is thoroughly trained…you may be waiting a LONG time. If it isn’t life or death, consider altering your recipe just slightly if it makes getting started possible. Who knows, it could actually be called inspiration.

Make changes one step at a time, one day at a time. Don’t try to get everything done today. I know that it is hard, because personally, I like things done well and done NOW. However, I also like things that are made to last. Craftsmanship isn’t about who gets to the finish line first, but about getting to the finish line with something that really works.

Celebrate success, whether big or small. Focus on what’s right. You may not have arrived. You may not be where you want to be, but you are not where you were. 

Any moment can be a NEW moment. One mistake, even several does not constitute a lifetime of failure. Whether it is a couple stolen cookies or an indulgent hour at the mall, don’t give up. A few cookies is a few cookies, giving up is weeks of cookies. Any moment you can decide that although you missed it last go around, you are going to take your turn and get up to bat again. The best batting averages start with more misses than hits!

Don’t decide to wait until next year, your birthday or whatever milestone comes around that you measure time by. Start today…or better yet, re-start today, and tomorrow and the day after, and the day after, and the day after that if necessary. In fact, consider every day a re-start as you proactively craft a life!

The holidays are almost here. This year has gone by in a whirlwind. As I journal each day, I have been amazed at how quickly the numbers I write at the top of the page have changed. How could it be the end of November so quickly?

The truth is, with two teenage daughters, a reorganized business with new partners, a growing community initiative and more…my life is full. And although I work with others to help them with personal and professional development…I find that often I fall off the proverbial wagon.

So what I have put in place in my life, are periodic times of review. AND the month of November is one of them. Here I take the time to look at my life. I examine where I am in relationship to the goals I set for myself, my family and my business. What did I get done and what did I fail to complete? I don’t wallow in the lack of achievement, but look to see “WHY”. Then I reassess, reorganize, and put together a new and improved action plan with the knowledge I have gained.

I actually review several times a year to see if I am on track. However, November is not a mid-semester review…what happens in November sets the tone for the whole next year. Amid all the holiday hustle and bustle, if you haven’t all ready, set aside some time to review and to plan for this upcoming year. If you have never really done this:  Review…Update…Plan…Implement…or if you feel like you would like to take life up a notch, consider getting some help doing this.

The business world we live in is not the same as it was several years ago. As owners and professionals attempt to make sense of a changed landscape, diversification has been a common tactic. For many this may make sense, for others in their attempt to meet every need they have become so diversified that they no longer have a clear message.

Seth Godin, popular author and blogger: 

“Pick the biggest market you can successfully dominate, the biggest slice where you can get through the Dip and be seen as the best in that world. If you can become number one in your niche, you’ll get more than your fair share of profits, glory, and long-term security.”    

The enemy of FOCUS is fear of loss.

 Often used in conjunction with the term abundance, is the common misnomer “Everyone is my prospect.”  Yet no matter how good you are and how much what you offer is used by the general  public, it is true that some people will like you and some people won’t.

Consider these:

Focus: Where do you provide the most value? What makes you unique? 

Market: All the prospects you could serve.
Market Segment: A segment is a portion, a particular group within your potential prospects that share similar characteristics.

Ideal Prospect: The best potential prospect for your purpose.
Value Proposition: A stance on how you provide value and what makes you unique, combined with the needs of the prospect that can most benefit from what you provide, AND can reward you profitably for providing this VALUE!

Success is in finding those who will like you.

Life is a journey…What have you learned along the way?

Some of my personal observations.

• My life changes when I do, and if I don’t change…Life doesn’t change.
• If I want better answers, I need to ask better questions…Learning to ask great questions is a skill worth working on!         
• If I don’t apply structure to my time, someone or something else will! Especially if you are a person who gets things done…you will never run out of meetings to go to.

• I need to Focus on the big picture, then fine tune the details. And check back with the big picture…understanding strategy and tactics will keep me moving forward without getting bogged down.
• The only investment I can control is my own personal interest rate. How valuable am I? What kind of problems do I solve? What am I doing daily to become more valuable to myself and others?    
• I will never be successful at owning what is not my responsibility to own.  The line between help and support and reinforcing negative tendencies is very narrow.
• I can not control or change anyone.  I can only choose how I respond to situations and circumstances. What someone does with my response is their choice.   
• Just because I can…doesn’t mean I should. Learning to say no may be more important than YES.
• If not me, then who?  I am a part of a community that grows and thrives based on the contributions or lack of contributions from its members.
• Everyone has something to contribute. Intelligence is not determined by your IQ and neither is personal value. It is worth the investment of time to discover those contributions and draw them out so that they can flourish.
• I have an inherent responsibility to become my best; to faithfully steward the potential I have been given and encourage others in the same.

As I consider the list of things I have learned on this journey called my life…the list continues to grow. I am also reminded of those who have shared a part of this journey to date and am thankful for their contributions to whom I am and who I am becoming. What have you learned? Have you thought about it lately?

Every so often I really am tempted to have someone just take care of the yard for me. (That does not mean that everyone reading this with a landscape business should call me.) Because, if someone else took care of it, I would miss out on all the important stuff I am supposed to learn through the experience of getting out there. For those who have received my newsletter in the past, you have read about butterflies, weeds, micro-climates and a host of other yard related topics. Well this week it’s about potato vine or kudzu. Let me explain what I mean.

Looks Beautiful!

A number of years ago we built a new house on a wooded lot, a heavily wooded, previously un-cleared or ever mowed au-natural lot. This gave us a head start on that Florida landscape, that Sunken Gardens’ look that I love. It also gave us some interesting plants…like potato vine. If you are unsure what this is, think of driving on I-75 and those beautiful vines that fill the wooded sides of the road. That is what the back third of our lot looked like, with some beautiful native plants that we wanted to keep and some palmettos and palms…so we cleared this by hand.

This week working in my backyard, I realized that it is just like some of the other areas of my life. I may have been eating well, exercising, and taking my supplements or maybe I have been pursuing personal development by reading or maybe I have made a commitment to manage my finances more diligently and have been more careful in my spending. However, maintaining these habits is more than 21 days to a different life.  21 days is a start, but real lifelong development of behavior means periodically checking in to make sure that there are no little pieces of that old weedy behavior trying to rear its ugly head.

I am still clearing by hand! Now it isn’t what it was. But I still have to be diligent, I still have to get out there and rescue the palmettos from this lovely, encroaching, invasive vine that would take over the world if there were not people like me. Although this vine has less of a hold on my yard year after year, like my life and the things that are important to me…auto pilot is not an option.  Have you checked in lately to see how your garden is doing?