Pushed to my limits, I am learning to go where I only dreamed and that there are another two magic words besides please and thank you. They are “yes” and “no.” Almost like teaching your children not to share…that’s a whole other story, and the use of them as an adult moving through significant change on a journey toward big goals, is somewhat counter intuitive.

The greatest impact of these words is not achieved when I say them to others, but when I use them for myself. As much as I have worked on boundaries…read all the books (and Cloud and Townsend have a whole series now,) life in 2012 is a PhD course.

As I learn to more judiciously apply these words, the path becomes clearer – more focused – less crowded by distractions. It also allows me to walk in grace for myself, giving to myself more generously of what I may have often reserved more for others. “Yes”, may mean resting when I am tired, while a “no” could be to something good. I can actually have too much of a good thing for my own best interests.

Hope: the stuff that dreams are made of!

Hope knows that there is something beyond what I see today. That potential and possibility exist, and it takes that and projects it onto the screen of my future. This hope acts as a compass guiding and directing my thoughts and actions as I move faithfully forward to the reality of this hope.

 The picture I saw of it “hope” was that of a trellis or an arbor. First, with hope in place…I had a structure that my actions would fill out as I moved towards my future. And second, without it “hope…the potential for my life projected onto the screen of my future”…in place, although I could move forward, my growth would lie unstructured on the ground and unable to reach it’s full potential of growth.

 Langston Hughes in a most famous poem replaces the term “hope” with that of “dream”. In today’s world of economic uncertainty, rapidly changing technology and culture, most of which is represented in the media in negative terms above all else we must guard our hope!

It is crucial that you take responsibility for your own mindset. Here are a few tips to keep discouragement from keeping you from doing the things you need to do to be effective.

Tips for Winning:

1. Stop and breathe…Some people just run faster and try harder. Others shut down altogether. Neither response will effectively produce results over the course of time.

 Take 3 deep breathes and release slowly each time. Your nervous system will kick in and you will begin to relax. When you relax you can make better choices.

Exercise: It releases endorphins which will help you feel better. Ride a bike, walk, dance…do something you love.

(Alcohol and other substances to “feel good” don’t count.)

Hold hands with someone you love. Look them in the face and TELL them that. Build Joy…Yes, Joy is a real thing.

2. Set realistic goals. The world is tough enough. Stop trying to be Super person. Unrealistic expectations reaffirm an inability to succeed. Affirmations are great, if you really believe that in your heart…if you don’t, it is NO better that the unrealistic goal. Let yourself grow into big goals, one baby step at a time.

 3. Set up accountability with someone who actually cares whether you succeed or not. Ask someone to give you honest caring feedback. I have a coach, a counselor, and an advisory board and a couple of incredible friends that I have empowered to let me have it…they help me stay on track through constructive criticism and act as cheerleaders when the going gets tough. They believe in me, even when I may begin to doubt myself.

Although you may have many people in your life who are a part of your journey, people who encourage you and help you along the way, when it comes down to it the responsibility for winning in your life is yours. You will need to choose to ask for help when you need it, to give yourself a break when necessary, and to choose to grow and embrace change as the friend it can be.

It is spring time in Florida. From the balmy breeze, the blue skies, the budding greenery and oh yes the traffic. It is a time of growth, a time of renewal and refreshing. It is a time to open the windows and let the fresh air fill the house, before it again gets hot.

It is a great time to look at the activities of life, the busyness that fills your day and ask “Why?” If the answers make sense…Great!

If not, here is a quote from Marianne Williamson that I enjoy.

"It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us."

Our Deepest Fear

 “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.’ We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we’re liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

(A Return to Love: Reflections on the Principles of “A Course in Miracles”, Harper Collins, 1992. From Chapter 7, Section 3])

Sometimes making life changes, those meant to last a lifetime, can sound overwhelming.

 “It’s the beginning of February and I couldn’t even make it through January with changes, how can I expect to make ‘LIFE CHANGES’ and expect something that lasts?”

Decide to start where you are at. It is so easy to wait until everything is right. However, if you wait until you have everything you need, until all the money is in the bank, until every team member is in place and is thoroughly trained…you may be waiting a LONG time. If it isn’t life or death, consider altering your recipe just slightly if it makes getting started possible. Who knows, it could actually be called inspiration.

Make changes one step at a time, one day at a time. Don’t try to get everything done today. I know that it is hard, because personally, I like things done well and done NOW. However, I also like things that are made to last. Craftsmanship isn’t about who gets to the finish line first, but about getting to the finish line with something that really works.

Celebrate success, whether big or small. Focus on what’s right. You may not have arrived. You may not be where you want to be, but you are not where you were. 

Any moment can be a NEW moment. One mistake, even several does not constitute a lifetime of failure. Whether it is a couple stolen cookies or an indulgent hour at the mall, don’t give up. A few cookies is a few cookies, giving up is weeks of cookies. Any moment you can decide that although you missed it last go around, you are going to take your turn and get up to bat again. The best batting averages start with more misses than hits!

Don’t decide to wait until next year, your birthday or whatever milestone comes around that you measure time by. Start today…or better yet, re-start today, and tomorrow and the day after, and the day after, and the day after that if necessary. In fact, consider every day a re-start as you proactively craft a life!

However, as you look at all those out of state license plates and think of the good ol’ days of summer. Don’t forget those good ol’ days were overshadowed by the fallout from an oil spill and the deflation of the housing market. This summer the discussion was of empty guest rooms across all types of resort facilities and efforts were focused on getting the word out that our beaches were clean.

 All those cars and traffic represent people. People that have come to enjoy our beaches, shop in our malls, and eat in our restaurants; who all though it might not have been as warm lately as it normally is, are happy that the wind chill factor is above zero. And although it is way too cold for me to get in the water, the Gulf is only cold for those of us who are spoiled Florida natives or long-time transplants. 

So in sharing our roads and beaches… REMEMBER to be on your best behavior. Try to be thankful and grateful for our winter guests. They could have chosen to go some place else, but they chose here and aren’t we glad they did?

Depending on your business, the change of seasons may mean different things. It might mean a time of rest, a time of harvest, a time overwhelming business, or maybe even a time of regrouping. Regardless of the seasons or cycles of your business; to ignore changes of one season to the next is to ignore the very nature of life.

As you see the birds flying in the v formation of migration, as the grass needs to be mowed less often, as the days become less humid and the traffic on our roads doubles (hopefully); are you positioned to move into this new season? If not, what will you do about it?

As a business development specialist with a MA in Marriage and Family counseling, my perspective might be somewhat unique. However I see many similarities between building a marriage and developing a team. The most valuable thing any couple considering marriage can do is to invest in pre-marital counseling. And similarly, if a leader takes the time and effort to clarify intent among the members of your developing team the process of reaching a real place of performance.

“Why, and what does this mean for my business and my team?” you wonder.

In building a team there are various stages of growth and development, and some of these stages aren’t all that fun. How and if a team moves through these will be determined by the skill of the leader. When leadership takes the time to discuss in the beginning the reasons the team has come together; when they clearly identify rules of engagement with a  commitment to the team members and purpose , and model communication and effective conflict resolution…teams move on to perform incredible feats.

Seth Godin, popular author and blogger: 

“Pick the biggest market you can successfully dominate, the biggest slice where you can get through the Dip and be seen as the best in that world. If you can become number one in your niche, you’ll get more than your fair share of profits, glory, and long-term security.”    

The enemy of FOCUS is fear of loss.

 Often used in conjunction with the term abundance, is the common misnomer “Everyone is my prospect.”  Yet no matter how good you are and how much what you offer is used by the general  public, it is true that some people will like you and some people won’t.

Consider these:

Focus: Where do you provide the most value? What makes you unique? 

Market: All the prospects you could serve.
Market Segment: A segment is a portion, a particular group within your potential prospects that share similar characteristics.

Ideal Prospect: The best potential prospect for your purpose.
Value Proposition: A stance on how you provide value and what makes you unique, combined with the needs of the prospect that can most benefit from what you provide, AND can reward you profitably for providing this VALUE!

Success is in finding those who will like you.

Some of my personal observations.

• My life changes when I do, and if I don’t change…Life doesn’t change.
• If I want better answers, I need to ask better questions…Learning to ask great questions is a skill worth working on!         
• If I don’t apply structure to my time, someone or something else will! Especially if you are a person who gets things done…you will never run out of meetings to go to.

• I need to Focus on the big picture, then fine tune the details. And check back with the big picture…understanding strategy and tactics will keep me moving forward without getting bogged down.
• The only investment I can control is my own personal interest rate. How valuable am I? What kind of problems do I solve? What am I doing daily to become more valuable to myself and others?    
• I will never be successful at owning what is not my responsibility to own.  The line between help and support and reinforcing negative tendencies is very narrow.
• I can not control or change anyone.  I can only choose how I respond to situations and circumstances. What someone does with my response is their choice.   
• Just because I can…doesn’t mean I should. Learning to say no may be more important than YES.
• If not me, then who?  I am a part of a community that grows and thrives based on the contributions or lack of contributions from its members.
• Everyone has something to contribute. Intelligence is not determined by your IQ and neither is personal value. It is worth the investment of time to discover those contributions and draw them out so that they can flourish.
• I have an inherent responsibility to become my best; to faithfully steward the potential I have been given and encourage others in the same.

As I consider the list of things I have learned on this journey called my life…the list continues to grow. I am also reminded of those who have shared a part of this journey to date and am thankful for their contributions to whom I am and who I am becoming. What have you learned? Have you thought about it lately?